Post by pilonidalstories.com on Aug 31, 2017 6:04:12 GMT
Submitted by "Anonymous"
“This happened to me in freshman year of college, one one crazy fucking night. Honestly I don’t remember ANYTHING leading up to this momentous event in my life.
Over the course of one day, a particularly cold wintry one in NJ, a region of my ass swolled up to the size of a fucking golfball. It was located basically directly over my tailbone, in the middle of the crack, only just slightly shifted towards my left cheek.
I was living in a fucking nightmare of a dorm room with an equally storied Nigerian roommate. My dorm shared a bathroom with the adjacent dorm. There were 2 doors, each on either side of the bathroom, which you could not lock, and lead to my or our neighbor’s dorm.
All I remember is lying on my bed around 9PM at night, in total unreleting agony. The skin/flesh around my tailbone had literally quadrupled in size, like a fucking balloon had been inflated underneath the skin. The pain was excruciating, and I had no idea what the fuck it was. I was laying on my chest, literally soaking my sheets with sweat clenching my teeth and fists, gripping onto the edge of the mattress like the world was going to end. My ass literally felt like it was going to explode. The skin felt so insanely expanded that it was as thin as paper.
Meanwhile my roommate was playing FIFA on his shitty 13” TV, sitting amidst his personal pile of black curly hairs, Chick Fil-A bags, wet floppy sandals, and old CDs. Oblivious to the saturated pulsating-ass terror that was going on the other side of the room.
I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I was literally about to fucking die. I forfeit all control and with reckless abandon, screamed to myself “FUCK THIS FUCKING SHIT!!”, and ran into the bathroom, closing the door frantically behind me.
…I ripped down my pants…. bent over, quivering like a wet mongoose on rabies.
I reached around behind me, and with both my hands, and one world-shattering violent suicidal compression, I squeezed my fingers together as fast and as hard as possible.
With barely an ounce of pressure, the entire golf-ball sized region of my ass exploded, shooting 3 feet across the bathroom onto the rear wall. Chunks of pus, hair, blood, shit-smelling bile, and other fucking insane shit blasted across the wall.
I almost passed out from the pain & smell, but somehow regained myself before faceplanting on the bathroom floor. Waves of nausea and sickness were flooding over me, yet at the same time, the most heavenly feeling of relief I’d ever experienced. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized if anyone walked into the bathroom at this moment, they’d have a fucking heart-attack. I wouldn’t wish that scene upon ANYONE.
Somehow, fate intervened that night and no one waltzed into the bathroom.
I pulled myself up and observed the demon-ass gore scattering the bathroom, and nearly puked. I turned around in the mirror and just saw an oozing hole in my ass-cheek. I threw my clothes off and jumped in the shower and let it rain down into the hole. Somehow, it didn’t hurt at all. The relief of pressure in my ass was orgasmic.
I jumped out after a good 20 minutes and desperately tried to clean the chunks of brown/yellow/pink hairy matter off the walls. Threw on new clothes and somehow left the scene as though nothing happened.
Unfortunately, the next few weeks were not easy. My ass leaked. Every single hour, every single day. First it was this horribly brown chunky fluid that smelled like gorilla diarrhea. Over the course of the weeks it morphed into this bright pink creamy sludge that looked like the Good Slime from Ghostbusters II.
Before every single class in the semester I’d have to pad my pants with hundreds of tissues, which would absorb the pus river. I’d then run into a bathroom after each class and throw the saturated towlettes away and try and rinse the area off.
Then I got mono. I thought it was the “kissing disease”, but realized I hadn’t been near a female in weeks since my ass exploded. I was sent home, bed-ridden and sick as FUCK for 2 weeks. The doctors and my parents had NO IDEA my ass had exploded. I didn’t tell anyone about that. They assumed I just got it from someone at college. NOPE. My uneducated guess, at least, was that the fecal horrors of my ass somehow infected my bloodstream and gave me mono.
But anyway, during this, somehow the wound ended up closing on its own after a month.
I thought everything was cool. I braved armaggedon.
But 4 months later, somehow a small, small hole surfaced in my ass-crack. It wasn’t a cataclysmic crater like last time, more like a tiny manhole that just slowly opened. Pus started re-leaking from the hole for a few days. I could not believe the problem had resurfaced. Finally, after another weekend of hapzard Bountie diaper-construction, I reached another turning point and shouted across the eternal lands of my mind: “ENOUGH!!!!!”
I was at home by this point for the summer. I ran into my home bathroom, ran in front of the mirror, and did my epic pinch again. This time, a GIANT WAD of brown hair sort of burst out of the hole, but only halfway. It didn’t hurt at all at this point – the area was so heavily scarred there’s not even feeling really.
I grabbed the brown soaking wet hairs sticking out of the hole, and started to pull. I pulled and pulled and pulled. I ended up with a fistful of this stinking, wet, putrid matt of entangled hair in my hands. The hole leaked some more, then stopped.
After that day, the hole slowly closed up, and I never had a problem ever again. It’s been 8 years. The area is fucking flawless and no repeat incidents. It looks a little scarred still, but nothing alarming to anyone.
Never ended up seeing a doctor or telling my parents or anyone about it.
I’m guessing the cyst just slowly collected bile and hair over that time which never allowed it to fully close. When I exorcised all of that fucking shit out myself, I think I somehow took care of business.
Anyway, it was the most painful experience of my life, and I wish it upon no man. I read up later on about what the fuck happened to me, and only then found out it was a pilonidal cyst that others suffer from.
Only, 99% of people goto a fucking doctor, get anaesthesia, and have it removed surgically. That must have been great for those people. I was left to the shared-bathroom volcanic eruption method.”
“This happened to me in freshman year of college, one one crazy fucking night. Honestly I don’t remember ANYTHING leading up to this momentous event in my life.
Over the course of one day, a particularly cold wintry one in NJ, a region of my ass swolled up to the size of a fucking golfball. It was located basically directly over my tailbone, in the middle of the crack, only just slightly shifted towards my left cheek.
I was living in a fucking nightmare of a dorm room with an equally storied Nigerian roommate. My dorm shared a bathroom with the adjacent dorm. There were 2 doors, each on either side of the bathroom, which you could not lock, and lead to my or our neighbor’s dorm.
All I remember is lying on my bed around 9PM at night, in total unreleting agony. The skin/flesh around my tailbone had literally quadrupled in size, like a fucking balloon had been inflated underneath the skin. The pain was excruciating, and I had no idea what the fuck it was. I was laying on my chest, literally soaking my sheets with sweat clenching my teeth and fists, gripping onto the edge of the mattress like the world was going to end. My ass literally felt like it was going to explode. The skin felt so insanely expanded that it was as thin as paper.
Meanwhile my roommate was playing FIFA on his shitty 13” TV, sitting amidst his personal pile of black curly hairs, Chick Fil-A bags, wet floppy sandals, and old CDs. Oblivious to the saturated pulsating-ass terror that was going on the other side of the room.
I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I was literally about to fucking die. I forfeit all control and with reckless abandon, screamed to myself “FUCK THIS FUCKING SHIT!!”, and ran into the bathroom, closing the door frantically behind me.
…I ripped down my pants…. bent over, quivering like a wet mongoose on rabies.
I reached around behind me, and with both my hands, and one world-shattering violent suicidal compression, I squeezed my fingers together as fast and as hard as possible.
With barely an ounce of pressure, the entire golf-ball sized region of my ass exploded, shooting 3 feet across the bathroom onto the rear wall. Chunks of pus, hair, blood, shit-smelling bile, and other fucking insane shit blasted across the wall.
I almost passed out from the pain & smell, but somehow regained myself before faceplanting on the bathroom floor. Waves of nausea and sickness were flooding over me, yet at the same time, the most heavenly feeling of relief I’d ever experienced. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized if anyone walked into the bathroom at this moment, they’d have a fucking heart-attack. I wouldn’t wish that scene upon ANYONE.
Somehow, fate intervened that night and no one waltzed into the bathroom.
I pulled myself up and observed the demon-ass gore scattering the bathroom, and nearly puked. I turned around in the mirror and just saw an oozing hole in my ass-cheek. I threw my clothes off and jumped in the shower and let it rain down into the hole. Somehow, it didn’t hurt at all. The relief of pressure in my ass was orgasmic.
I jumped out after a good 20 minutes and desperately tried to clean the chunks of brown/yellow/pink hairy matter off the walls. Threw on new clothes and somehow left the scene as though nothing happened.
Unfortunately, the next few weeks were not easy. My ass leaked. Every single hour, every single day. First it was this horribly brown chunky fluid that smelled like gorilla diarrhea. Over the course of the weeks it morphed into this bright pink creamy sludge that looked like the Good Slime from Ghostbusters II.
Before every single class in the semester I’d have to pad my pants with hundreds of tissues, which would absorb the pus river. I’d then run into a bathroom after each class and throw the saturated towlettes away and try and rinse the area off.
Then I got mono. I thought it was the “kissing disease”, but realized I hadn’t been near a female in weeks since my ass exploded. I was sent home, bed-ridden and sick as FUCK for 2 weeks. The doctors and my parents had NO IDEA my ass had exploded. I didn’t tell anyone about that. They assumed I just got it from someone at college. NOPE. My uneducated guess, at least, was that the fecal horrors of my ass somehow infected my bloodstream and gave me mono.
But anyway, during this, somehow the wound ended up closing on its own after a month.
I thought everything was cool. I braved armaggedon.
But 4 months later, somehow a small, small hole surfaced in my ass-crack. It wasn’t a cataclysmic crater like last time, more like a tiny manhole that just slowly opened. Pus started re-leaking from the hole for a few days. I could not believe the problem had resurfaced. Finally, after another weekend of hapzard Bountie diaper-construction, I reached another turning point and shouted across the eternal lands of my mind: “ENOUGH!!!!!”
I was at home by this point for the summer. I ran into my home bathroom, ran in front of the mirror, and did my epic pinch again. This time, a GIANT WAD of brown hair sort of burst out of the hole, but only halfway. It didn’t hurt at all at this point – the area was so heavily scarred there’s not even feeling really.
I grabbed the brown soaking wet hairs sticking out of the hole, and started to pull. I pulled and pulled and pulled. I ended up with a fistful of this stinking, wet, putrid matt of entangled hair in my hands. The hole leaked some more, then stopped.
After that day, the hole slowly closed up, and I never had a problem ever again. It’s been 8 years. The area is fucking flawless and no repeat incidents. It looks a little scarred still, but nothing alarming to anyone.
Never ended up seeing a doctor or telling my parents or anyone about it.
I’m guessing the cyst just slowly collected bile and hair over that time which never allowed it to fully close. When I exorcised all of that fucking shit out myself, I think I somehow took care of business.
Anyway, it was the most painful experience of my life, and I wish it upon no man. I read up later on about what the fuck happened to me, and only then found out it was a pilonidal cyst that others suffer from.
Only, 99% of people goto a fucking doctor, get anaesthesia, and have it removed surgically. That must have been great for those people. I was left to the shared-bathroom volcanic eruption method.”
